seriously i think im a farker,
i simply cant fit into this world.
i aren't suppose to be here, in this world.
ya, i wasn't mean to be here. thanks
thanks for delivering me to bring grief to everyone.
im a jerk, stay away from me.
i bite.
so broken, i cant be myself anymore.
utter devastation.

silent howl echos through the night.

ar.. sometimes i thought that i wasnt ever going
to be good enough for you.
no reasons for you to accept me.
ya i knew it but im still holding on. why?
selfish? silly? noble?
whatever reasons, you will still think i'm stupid.
i seriously dont know why.
u asked a million times,
and i still cant figure out the reason.
i think its like what i felt/said,
there're simply too many reasons
to be said,
to be clarified,
to be understood.
i just like the way you are.
im dumb right?

spirits within. its undying..

arr.. 'someone' asked why have i been bloggin
so i decide that i shld blog an entry. >.<
haha. my buddy kenneth give birth to a
damn cute/kawaii/gorgeous/pretty/beautiful
n basically everything nice baby girl!
she's so darn cute cann?! kawaii neH!
a pair of big big beautiful eyes looking at u!
arghs! too bad i din get to visit her today
cuz i caught a flu n the trip was cancelled,
ya including the hit movie Initial D. -.-'''
nvmm, im wasnt in the very mood to watch it either,
there's simply too many things to do.
alot of unlucky things happen and such lar.
i skipped 3 tutorials tis week
and i didnt know my work very well till now can.
have been lazing and slping my ass off.
also helping friends. alot of bad things happen to dem
and i guess they need me.
i cant leave them in lurch rite?
so i tot i could sacrifice my time for dem.
i think i could finish my work de.
ya. let me name them down.
so anyone of u can wack me if i was spotted
lazing/slping/chatting >.<
IEF project, ACCESS database, business etiquette blog,
revise and finish all the tutorials.
finally finish the 4days of newspaper.
god. alot rite? i tink i can be back on track after 1 week.

carry on? how?

ya fark. i lost my mobile phone?
isnt that cool?
i know im changing a new phone
but wtf?! does that mean i have to lost my old one?
everytime when im goin to get smth new
i will lose my old ones.
just like my mp3player, creative muvo red.
bought it on xmas and i really like it.
same to my 6610.
why? cause its indestructible.
try slamming your 6610 on the table
or throw it down a flight of stairs
and see whether it still can function well.
im feeling so crappy now i know.
oh ya.. guess what my mum told me when i call her.
'kaos, u did it on purpose issit, say get 4 u when ur bro blablabla'
its a miracle that i didnt swear or yell at her.
im better at controlling my temper now i guess
but pls dont try your luck on me,
at least not this week.
im going to be temperamental for the whole of nxt week,
just let me be until i gets better.

i screw up my life pretty bad n i gonna fix it now.

arr.. its 4.23am in the err.. morning? XD
and im still not in bed!
been looking through the past testimonials
and pictures. >.<
i never really look into the past,
i cherish the present and look forward to the future.
maybe because there's jus too much
painful memories that jus overwrite everything
good in it. this is what i thought so in the past. >.<
however, changed my perception not long ago. =)
hmm, 2 days ago i was running to the bus stop
when i saw the bus from afar.
one old auntie saw me running and tried to stop the bus for me.
and damn that f***ing bus driver who refuses to stop.
not pissed that i didnt catch the bus,
pissed with the fact that the busdriver simply ignore the nice lady.
damn him. -.-'''
was touched by the old auntie's help,
i keep saying thanks to her though the bus ran away.
it doesnt matter anyway.
who says old people are mean n problematic?
she's cool t me. =P
hmmm.. attended the prize giving ceremony,
got the Best Performance in Written Business Communication.
quite shocked but nvm.
went up to the stage to receive the prize,
and came back with the wrong prize. -.-'''
my freshies were there too. (thx for showing up 4 me. =P)
arrhh! but made a fool out of myself infront of dem again T.T
heard something meaningful;
''you can't always have the sun shining in your life,
otherwise it will turn into a desert. XD''
i must learn to put up with the rain. =)

love's an undetectable enchantment.

found a new webby that host files!
finally! goodbye to angelfire. lalalala~
not gonna say much. XD
finish business etiqs projects. weeet!
was looking forward to meeting the
fashion consultant!
see what can they do to my hair. lalalala!
song dedicated
to you, only.

perceptions kills n binds.

yea.. ups & downs of life.
there's still alot of things...
hmm loss of words....
yea.. either dere's something wrong with me,
or there's something wrong with my life.
life's nv been really successful all along bah..
felt like im always bringing unhappiness to ppl around me.
yea.. that's wat i felt, i can share ur woes n sorrows
but i cant make you feel better.
all i can do is stay n watch by the side,
sometimes i cant even do so.
i felt redundant, dere's no need for me to be dere anyway.
so no point being good to me t me in return,
i seriously dont tink i deserve it.
i felt more awkward n more hurt when u do so,
wat u all did for me was more than wat i did for u all.
i shall walk alone from now on
until i gets better. =)

can't you see the flames i have for you inside my eyes?

i can't see where i'm going,
im just holding on to it.
just let it lead me to where it wanted me to be,
it's beyond my control.
but weird, i dont feel as bad as before.
things turning for the better soon?
ya i guess so, walking out from the dark.
i knew there's no point sulking there n
make everyone around me feel bad
thinking about it,
life's about making things bright at the darkest of moment
i want to be happy n make everyone around me to be happy too.
that sounds silly i know.
but i dont want to be me anymore,
i want to walk out of my own shadow.
i want to be more than what i meant to you,
trying hard,
holding on,
not giving up,
dont turn me away please.

it's that 3 words i wanted to say to you

arrrghH! its 9.30am in the morning.. >.<
going to sch to discuss the business etiqs project. last min -.-
cause the work simply cannot make it.
arghs. i already said i wanna meet face to face
instead of online meeting?
online meeting simply suck.
creates a barrier to your ideas when you cant
listen or see your team mates. >.<
lets just hope everything goes on well~
i'm still very relax when it comes to last min things.
cause i dont see the point to panic, when u panic
it will b even harder for you to do things in the right way,
not to mention if u're trying to do in a better way.
so i will try and be my lazy n relax self. excuses~ XD
guess that's my stupid personality now. -.-'''
but im trying to improve on it! >.<
hmm..
lots of feeling to express, lotsa things to say to you
but jus dont know how to put it into words. -.-'''
dont be so hard on yourself?
im willing to listen to you. really really really willing. ^0^
arrr... have to go to sch le. 10.12am now le.
mus reach at 11am.! >.<
i really want to watch Madagascar larrrrrrrrrrrr! T.T

you're the peanut, im the shell.

crapp.. dey're like so many things to do
with so little time. arghs
so packedddd
have to meet cuiyun for gathering,
cherie aka 'mummy' for her bd
yuxin aka laopo for movie
that i promise like 2 weeks ago? >.<
not forgeting meeting jiaji to return the 10 dollar?
bloody him for keep chasing me for the money! XD
and lastly huiying because i had to get something frm her.
arghhsss.! im also behind time for schwork,
abt 2weeks behind time.
so deadddd! dying to catchup with my
work,friends,projects n driving lessons.
actually i shld've plenty of time but im wasting my time away,
lazing around n day dreaming..
until someone asked where does all my time goes
when i had so many things to do. >.<
strikes me hard n make me think alot.
was talking to zen jus now too, on webcam.
he still look the same. XD
chat abt gers, friends and he showed me his room.
its all filled wif ayumi posters. >.<
he taught me quite a few thingss though..
when he's leading a life 5times worst than me
studying overseas alone.
i bet i wont be able to understand
unless i join him over dere. i hope its gonna be soon. =P
arghs. 3.24am had to wake up at 7am. deaddd

love's like a roller-coaster.

arrr.. lotsa things happen lately.
i'm bad at controlling my temper.
easily affected by people around me.
sorry. >.<
ya.. im always feeling jittery whenever
i saw you
which is so not me.
you shld know how am i like when im normal in the past
im always lidat infront of the gers i like.
i dont know why.
there's just alot of things going tru my mind
ya.. if you're weird, im weird too.
brainless me. arghs
there's tons of things to be sad lately
but im sad over the last reason.

going in circles, i haven't grown at all.